Zeng Kehen's Inner Thoughts

Blood slowly flowed from her abdomen, soaking her black clothes and staining them a reddish-purple. The pain from the wound gradually spread throughout her body, and finally, as if by appointment, it all gathered and condensed in her heart.

Zeng Kehen touched the wound in disbelief. Seeing her hand stained red with blood, she was slightly stunned, and immediately after, she burst into laughter. That smile was not like the seductive smile that often graced her lips, but a loud, unrestrained laugh. The laughter was very loud, but anyone hearing it would know she had exerted a great deal of effort to laugh, and it did not make the listener feel happy.

Seeing her wound bleed even more because of that wild laughter, Lu Weilai stared blankly at her blood-stained hand and the gun thrown on the ground. Finally, her gaze fell on the corner of Zeng Kehen's mouth. No one knew why she laughed; Lu Weilai didn't understand, Su Aoning didn't understand, and perhaps even she herself didn't know why she could laugh at this moment.

"I'm leaving. If you still want revenge, you are welcome to come to me anytime."

Having laughed enough and grown tired, Zeng Kehen said to Lu Weilai, heading toward the front door as if nothing had happened. Fresh blood flowed from her wound along her skirt, sticking to her stockings, soaking into her high heels, and finally pooling on the white floor.

Looking at the trail of blood and Zeng Kehen's staggering steps, Lu Weilai's gaze turned from dazed to tense. She opened her mouth but didn't know what to say, only able to watch Zeng Kehen push the door open and leave. It wasn't until the sound of the door closing rang out that she seemed to think of something and hurriedly chased after her. Dong Yufei beside her obviously didn't expect Lu Weilai to do this and also ran after her, leaving Su Aoning alone staring blankly at the gun.

Heavy rain fell without warning, lashing against her face, making her feel extremely disoriented. Her long hair was soaked by the rain, obscuring Zeng Kehen's already blurry vision. Looking at the bodyguards surrounding her and the several guns pointed at her, Zeng Kehen curled her lips in disdain, her hand touching the pair of guns at her waist.

She didn't want to die yet, nor could she die.

"Let her go."

Just as Zeng Kehen was about to make a move, Lu Weilai's trembling voice came from behind. Zeng Kehen turned her head to look at her, only to see the other party just like herself, not even holding an umbrella, standing straight in the rain. The night grew darker because of the rain, and the mist blocked the view between them. Coupled with losing too much blood, Zeng Kehen couldn't see Lu Weilai's face clearly. But she knew Lu Weilai was crying, crying for her. Even though she pretended to be strong and lowered her voice extremely low, Zeng Kehen could still feel it.

The wounds on her body reminded her that she needed immediate treatment, otherwise she really might die. Although she wanted to look at Lu Weilai a bit longer, Zeng Kehen still had to take steps to walk out of the villa. Perhaps Lu Weilai's aura just now had frightened those bodyguards, so they didn't stop her, but only looked at her with disdainful eyes. Zeng Kehen smiled self-deprecatingly; she knew that in the eyes of others, she was a wicked person who deserved to die ten thousand times. Leaving the villa, Zeng Kehen didn't drive, walking aimlessly to some place. Her waist had already hurt to the point of losing sensation, the wounds from a few days ago that hadn't fully healed flared up again, and her entire body was burning hot, leaving her without even the strength to lift her hand. But the most painful was still that gunshot wound.

As expected, the wound caused by the person one loved was always the most painful. No matter how strong a person was, they would collapse. The world before her eyes suddenly spun, and her battered body could finally no longer support her to keep walking, collapsing onto the ground. The rain purposely grew larger and stronger, as if intentionally punishing her.

What was the meaning of survival, after all? Zeng Kehen asked herself many times, but still had no answer. No freedom, no sense of security, no happiness, not experiencing a childhood like a normal person should, only endless darkness and loneliness. But at the darkest moment of her life, a single meeting changed the destiny of both, along with the path they were originally supposed to take.

Zeng Kehen when she was young and now seemed to be two completely different people. She didn't want to interact with others; to her, smiling was an extremely luxurious thing. Initially, when she was rescued by Chi Qing, she always opposed this cold woman, especially when she saw Lu Weilai and Chi Qing so close, and how Lu Weilai would blush every time she interacted with Chi Qing. That opposition turned into a stronger emotion—disgust.

Yes, Zeng Kehen disliked Chi Qing, couldn't stand Chi Qing, just as Chi Qing disliked her. Two people who hated each other had a connection because of Lu Weilai. Zeng Kehen liked Lu Weilai, a fact that many people, including Lu Weilai, would not believe. But in reality, this was the thing Zeng Kehen was most certain of since she was born.

Lu Weilai still thought she liked Zeng Kehen first, but she didn't know that long before she liked Zeng Kehen, the other party already liked her. In their naive childhood, the two of them were each other's only conversation partners, helping each other, being the person who would help when one was in the most pain.

Why she liked Lu Weilai, Zeng Kehen couldn't say clearly, nor could she remember when it started, because to her, liking Lu Weilai had been a fact for a very long time. It could be said that Lu Weilai was the first person to make Zeng Kehen open her heart, trying to accept the existence of others.

Lu Weilai said she liked her with long hair, so Zeng Kehen didn't ask why and started to grow her hair, until the other party said it was too long, then she went to the hair salon to trim it. Lu Weilai said she liked the Western food cooked by this chef, so Zeng Kehen secretly went to learn how to cook Western food. From initially turning a piece of beef into a lump of charcoal, she could now compare to a professional chef.

Later, Lu Weilai also liked to see her wear skirts, liked her to talk to her more, liked whose books, liked medicine, liked animals. Whatever Lu Weilai said she liked, she did for her. Although she didn't like to smile, just because of a sentence Lu Weilai said about liking to see her smile, she wore a smile on her face, smiling at many people, and also making this smile her mask. But today's Lu Weilai felt uncomfortable even seeing her. Her body grew cold, her life and blood slowly slipping away. Zeng Kehen knew that if this continued, she really would die, dying on the ice-cold street, only to be discovered by others the next morning. But she clearly didn't want to die, yet really didn't want to move, only wanting to lie here, quietly remembering the memories with Lu Weilai.

Lifting her left hand which no longer had strength, her blurry vision resting on the jadeite bracelet, Zeng Kehen pressed the bracelet to her lips as a gentle kiss, as if kissing Lu Weilai's lips. Many pursuers had wanted to give her more suitable bracelets, but they were all gently refused by Zeng Kehen with a smile. She didn't need any jewelry, and this jade bracelet was not simply a piece of jewelry to her.

Zeng Kehen didn't think she was an extreme person, but she always felt empty and bored. Life was a process of constant striving: studying hard when young, working hard after growing up, and even if finding a lover, striving to maintain love, finally dying amidst endless striving.

Zeng Kehen hated that lifestyle, and hated that rule even more. She liked to lie on the bed doing nothing, bored to the extreme, or using pain to prove she was still alive. Therefore, whenever Lu Weilai was not by her side, she often used pain to hallucinate herself.

At that time, Zeng Kehen was only seventeen, while Lu Weilai was only twenty. One of them was busy with training, while the other was striving to study medicine at university. Every time she saw male students giving love letters to Lu Weilai, Zeng Kehen was jealous to the point of madness, but had no way to stop them, to tell everyone that Lu Weilai was hers.

Because Zeng Kehen understood that one day she would leave Lu Weilai, would cruelly hurt this girl. Therefore, every time she had to hide in a place Lu Weilai couldn't see, checking every person who wanted to pursue her girl. As for why she did this, Zeng Kehen only hoped that after she left, someone could truly treat Lu Weilai well, so she wouldn't have to suffer.

Perhaps, in the world of emotions, the most painful thing was wanting but not getting, knowing there was no result yet desperately pursuing. This kind of pain was indescribable to Zeng Kehen. She was too tired, truly very tired. She wanted to be with Lu Weilai, not caring about anything, not needing to find someone she could entrust her life to, she would give her happiness herself. Unfortunately, she couldn't... and couldn't do it even more.

Struggling in the mess, torturing herself to death, Zeng Kehen finally found something that could help ease her pain, which was hurting herself. The first time she used a knife to cut her flesh, the pain made Zeng Kehen temporarily forget her burdens, and forget her pain. She smoked more and more, drank heavily, and had even tried drugs.

That day, she drank a lot of alcohol and injected a carefully measured amount of drugs. This hallucinatory feeling made her feel extremely comfortable. The glass cup was dropped by her, shattering into pieces, and she took off all her clothes to lie on them, letting the sharp glass shards pierce through her skin.

At that moment, although her body was in pain, her soul was completely relaxed. She caressed her body, imagining it was Lu Weilai's hand, rubbing the sensitive area between her legs again and again, but not truly entering. Because that place belonged to Lu Weilai; she was Lu Weilai's woman.

Sweat covered her body, and the warm liquid between her legs gradually wet the carpet. Zeng Kehen called out Lu Weilai's name loudly, imagining Lu Weilai was heartbroken, caressing her. Knowing her appearance at this time was extremely unsightly, Zeng Kehen still couldn't restrain herself from speeding up her hand, and vigorously twisting her body on the glass shards.

Piece after piece of glass pierced into her skin, bringing immense pain, and her body reached a climax at the same time. This kind of pain mixed with pleasure made Zeng Kehen unable to forget for a lifetime, even becoming somewhat addicted. Therefore, she began to crave pain, using pain to ease the pain in her heart.

But paper cannot wrap fire. One day, she was in her room using a blade to slash the newly scabbed wound on her wrist, only to be suddenly seen by Lu Weilai who had returned. That was the first time Zeng Kehen had seen Lu Weilai so angry. She hit her, scolded her, and for many days after didn't pay attention to her. Yet with red eyes, she helped her bandage the wound, taking the bracelet she always wore and putting it on her, covering her left arm filled with scars.

Zeng Kehen remembered that back then, Lu Weilai caressed her face, telling her that without her permission, she must absolutely not take off the bracelet, let alone hurt herself. Zeng Kehen agreed, and had never taken off the bracelet until now, even when sleeping or bathing, she didn't dare to take it off, but she didn't keep her vow not to hurt herself.

"Weilai..."

*I'm sorry, I love you. Even in this situation, I don't have the courage to say these three words to you. I miss you so much, I don't want to lie here, I want to see you. But I can't move, I don't have the strength to walk in front of you, and you won't come here to see me either. What should I do... I... still... still have so many things I haven't done for you...*

"Ah... Still alive?"

A familiar voice came from above. Zeng Kehen struggled to open her eyes, only to see a blurry black shadow appear beside her. The other party seemed to be smiling, saying something to her. Zeng Kehen wanted to hear her words clearly, but could only see her take a gun from her chest, aiming at her.

Bang...