If He Were My Younger Brother

Xie Qi Zhi didn't go home. After replying to his older brother and Ying Huai, he turned off his phone. He walked along the riverbank, crossed the tunnel, and went straight for five hundred meters until he saw a night market, brightly lit. It was the Mid-Autumn Festival, and the streets were crowded. The sign of the first stall read "Fat Brother's BBQ," and as he approached, he smelled the hot smoke and fragrant grilled meat in the air.

Perhaps because he stood outside looking for too long, the fat boss in an apron proactively asked, "What do you want to eat, young man?"

Xie Qi Zhi shook his head, his left hand in his hoodie pocket, clutching his mask. He hesitated for a moment about wearing it, then walked straight inside.

Outside the snack stalls, small square tables and plastic chairs were set up. Nearby residents, out for a post-dinner stroll, sat down here. Families gathered and chatted, with beer and late-night snacks on their tables.

Xie Qi Zhi saw a group of teenagers gathered in front of a pig's trotters shop. They laughed and talked animatedly, each with a cool and vibrant skateboard propped next to their chair.

He suddenly remembered that he had also learned to skateboard. Many years ago, someone taught him, and later he secretly practiced at home and in the hospital. When it rained, he moved to the hallway of the inpatient ward, which resulted in many patients' family members being startled and alarmed.

The sick child said nothing, standing silently behind his parents, looking lifeless. The angry mother scolded him, saying she would complain about him. Xie Qi Zhi turned his head to look, unable to help but think, do I look like that in other people's eyes too, like a tree that withered before it could grow, making people not want to look a second time?

Immediately after, a "bang" sounded, and he bumped into a nurse holding medicine. The nurse screamed, and several bottles of medicine fell to the ground, rolling away.

The nurse in charge of him came over, her face cold, scolding him for a long time. His skateboard was also confiscated, and she told the maid to take it home.

Xie Qi Zhi watched her mouth open and close, then understood what she was saying.

He was still not like the other children in the pediatric ward. They only had a slight headache or runny nose, and their whole family mobilized to take care of them. If he had bumped into those children, today's incident would not have ended so easily.

He had no reliance on his parents or relatives, no capital to act spoiled. He had to be a little obedient, listen, get sick less, and live healthily and safely. Only then would everyone be happy.

But... it wasn't like that.

This was the first time Xie Qi Zhi learned that surviving was also a mistake.

He still hadn't understood the implication in everyone's words. Healthy and safe, actually meant that if he were a healthy child, he would grow up safely.

Because absolutely healthy children would not be abandoned by their parents!

He had taken so many medicines on time and in the correct dosage, breathed through an oxygen tube every day, been pushed into the operating room for anesthesia, endured all sorts of uncomfortable post-surgical reactions... He had struggled to overcome the devastation of illness to his life, tried his best to pass through the gates of death, and it turned out all of it was a mistake.

Xie Qi Zhi, no one truly wished for you to survive.

Even if there was, it was only his older brother, but he always capriciously misunderstood him, making his brother's originally smooth and successful life chaotic.

I am the worst.

Xie Qi Zhi wished from the bottom of his heart that Dong Dong Ge Ge hadn't gotten lost. His older brother would surely treat him as well as he treated himself. He also wouldn't be like him, knowing nothing, and often getting sick, making his older brother work so hard.

Or if only his parents hadn't been so gullible and believed the fortune teller, using the money for his treatment to search for Dong Dong Ge Ge, perhaps they would have found him much sooner, instead of failing again and again, repeatedly disappointed, as they were now.

That way, even if he died at the hospital wall, or died young in an orphanage, it would be a good thing.

No one would be sad about it; everyone would be happy.

His vision blurred for a moment. Xie Qi Zhi wiped his eyes, then suddenly saw someone sitting under an awning not far away, holding a bowl of spicy hotpot. As he casually looked around, a familiar face appeared.

Li Ye had just taken his first bite with chopsticks when Xie Qi Zhi pulled up a plastic chair and sat opposite him, sniffing and politely greeting, "Good evening."

Li Ye: "..."

He lifted his chin, gesturing for Xie Qi Zhi to look behind him, reminding him, "There's an empty seat over there."

Xie Qi Zhi didn't look back. The night market lights were dim, but his blue eyes seemed to be soaked in water, shining startlingly bright in the dim light.

He said firmly, "I only want to sit with you."

Li Ye paused for a moment, too lazy to chase Xie Qi Zhi away, and simply pretended he didn't exist, lowering his head to continue eating.

Xie Qi Zhi stared at Li Ye without blinking, looking at his thick eyebrows, slightly upturned eye corners, and lips reddened from the spice, trying to compare the similarity between him and his older brother down to the smallest detail.

The boss put too much chili in this spicy hotpot. Li Ye ate until he was sweating, reached up to wipe his forehead, and suddenly noticed Xie Qi Zhi's gaze.

Even when caught staring, this person had no intention of being more discreet; his gaze remained direct. Li Ye felt uncomfortable being stared at. Just as he was about to speak, he suddenly heard him ask, "When did you learn guitar? You play really well."

Li Ye frowned, swallowed the unpleasant words, and said indifferently, "Just so-so, back when I was in school."

Xie Qi Zhi asked again, "Why did you want to learn that?"

Li Ye picked up a mouthful of noodles and said casually, "To pick up girls."

Xie Qi Zhi: "Where are the girls?"

Li Ye: "..."

He said unhappily, "What does that have to do with you?"

Xie Qi Zhi "oh-ed" and switched to another topic: "How were your grades in school?"

Li Ye replied vaguely, "Alright, depends on luck."

His older brother also got first place in the entire grade thanks to luck. If he were his biological younger brother, then grades could also be inherited, unlike him... Xie Qi Zhi asked with a hint of disappointment, "Got first place thanks to luck?"

"If I got first place, would I be sitting here?" Li Ye asked incredulously, "Do you think I'm a top student? Getting good grades by luck means passing if you guess a lot right, failing if you guess little right. Don't you understand that?"

Oh, so he's not like his older brother, but more like me. Xie Qi Zhi nodded, indicating that he understood.

Xie Qi Zhi continued to observe Li Ye, then asked again, "In August, did you go to Yi Zhou City People's Hospital?"

The last news about his second brother was from there. His older brother's friend said he saw a young man who looked very much like him, but when they continued searching, the person had disappeared.

This time, Li Ye didn't want to answer him anymore. He put down his chopsticks and asked irritably, "Can you stop asking irrelevant questions?"

Xie Qi Zhi apologized to him, "Sorry."

Li Ye looked at him: "If you want to eat, order yourself. Otherwise, go home quickly; don't bother me here."

Xie Qi Zhi didn't leave. He lowered his eyes to look at the bright red hotpot soup in Li Ye's bowl, curiously asking, "What are you eating?"

Li Ye was surprised: "You've never eaten it before?"

Xie Qi Zhi shook his head.

Li Ye's gaze was like looking at a pampered Pomeranian: "Alright, rich young master." He gestured for Xie Qi Zhi to look inside the stall, "There's a menu inside, go look yourself."

Xie Qi Zhi tilted his head and looked for a while, then took out his phone from his pocket and placed it on the table. He pressed it, but the screen didn't light up. He told Li Ye, "My phone's out of battery; I can't pay. Can you order for me? I'll owe you."

Li Ye looked at his dark phone, then at Xie Qi Zhi, who was staring at him without blinking. He was silent for a moment, then stood up and went inside, ordering him a basic set.

"Thank you." Xie Qi Zhi looked at him and said, "Please accept my friend request. I'll transfer the money to you as soon as I get home."

Li Ye was stunned, lowering his head to look at his clear eyes, suddenly feeling like he had been tricked.

Xie Qi Zhi's spicy hotpot was ordered late, and he ate slowly, lowering his head to bite a few pieces of winter melon and two fish balls, then put down his chopsticks.

Li Ye sat next to him playing on his phone. He looked up and saw Xie Qi Zhi had stopped eating very quickly, staring blankly at the still full hotpot bowl, and asked, "What's wrong? Are you full?"

Xie Qi Zhi sniffed, his plump lips reddened: "Too spicy."

"You can't eat spicy food?" Li Ye blinked, "Why didn't you say so earlier?"

Xie Qi Zhi softly replied, "You didn't ask me."

He didn't ask him anything, didn't tell him anything. Being born wasn't his decision, getting sick wasn't his decision, being adopted by whom wasn't his decision. His parents not wishing him to live to adulthood wasn't told to him. His older brother giving up further education for his medicine money wasn't told to him. Ying Huai not liking him bothering him wasn't told to him... He passively accepted the good intentions and ill will that everyone around him had for him, without a single thing being decided by himself.

In the past, Xie Qi Zhi had admired his older brother and Ying Huai so much. Every minute and second, he thought, hurry up, hurry up and grow up. He had tried his best to grow up, wanting to become free, carefree, and happy people like them.

But why, after growing up, did the people and things of the past all change?

They changed so quickly, leaving him only elusive shadows in a thick fog.

Xie Qi Zhi seemed to be crying from the spice. Under the dim light, he choked silently, tears falling profusely into the bowl.

Li Ye was stunned by his sudden tears, looking at his bowl, then at his own. The portions were almost identical; it couldn't be so unpalatable that he'd cry like this?

Oh, he can't eat spicy food...

No, is it that bad? Do these rich young masters usually have servants and are carried around in palanquins? Don't be so weak.

Li Ye pushed the tissue box over, pulled his bowl closer, swapped chopsticks, and continued eating.

Xie Qi Zhi gasped, suppressing the sobs welling up in his throat, and whimpered, "This, I, I ate it."

"I saw it." Li Ye said without looking up, "You barely ate a few bites, and the money's already spent. It'd be a waste not to eat it."

The tissues on the table were of terrible quality. Xie Qi Zhi had barely wiped his tears before they crumpled, leaving bits of paper all over his hands. He crumpled it into a ball and threw it in the trash, dusted off his hands, then sat silently beside him, shedding tears while watching Li Ye happily eat the spicy hotpot.

Xie Qi Zhi was a little envious of his good appetite. When he finished eating, he suddenly asked, "Are you a biological child in your family?"

"Nonsense." Li Ye looked puzzled, "If I'm not, are you?"

He stood up to leave. Xie Qi Zhi also trailed behind him. Walking through the crowded street, he wiped the remaining tear streaks from his face and told Li Ye, "I'm not my parents' biological child."

Li Ye glanced at him, blurting out an "huh."

Xie Qi Zhi: "Huh?"

"Otherwise, what do you expect me to comfort you with? Tell you that you're pitiful and pathetic?" Li Ye scoffed, not looking back, "Stop joking, rich people's dogs live more comfortably than I do."

Xie Qi Zhi blinked and also replied with an "oh."

The two were originally strangers; even if each had their own sorrows, they couldn't truly understand each other at this moment.

Leaving the noisy place, the wind gradually died down, and the air became cold and still. The full moon high above was pale blue. Xie Qi Zhi looked up for a while, then suddenly heard Li Ye's footsteps stop.

He stood at the intersection, his black hair blowing in the night wind, lowering his eyes slightly to assess him, his expression a little cold in the dim light.

He asked, "Why are you still following me? Aren't you going home?"

Xie Qi Zhi didn't know either. He said his phone was out of battery to trick Li Ye; he just didn't want to go home and face Ying Huai, who wanted to send him away, and he didn't want to answer his older brother's calls.

But how was he supposed to tell Li Ye these things?

He said nothing, only nodded.

Li Ye turned around and chose a shared electric bike at the intersection. He took the helmet from the front and put it on, asking as he did so, "Where do you live? I'll take you back."

Xie Qi Zhi was stunned and walked closer. He had never ridden this type of vehicle before and looked at the not-very-large black seat cushion with some hesitation: "Will we fit?"

"Just squeeze a bit." Li Ye said, holding the handlebars, and glanced at Xie Qi Zhi. Seeing his somewhat amusing expression, he gave a sly smile and asked, "Otherwise, you sit in front?"

Xie Qi Zhi climbed on without hesitation, hugging Li Ye's waist tightly, afraid of falling.

As his arms wrapped around him, Li Ye suddenly straightened up, shifting uncomfortably: "Relax a bit, don't hug me so tightly."

"I don't want to." The night wind was too strong. Xie Qi Zhi lowered his head and coughed for a while, hiding his face behind Li Ye's back. His clothes didn't smell of perfume, only soap, but it wasn't unpleasant.

"You didn't even give me a helmet. If we fall, I'll be the one getting hurt."

"I'll get fined if I don't wear a helmet." Li Ye twisted the throttle, and the bike started to move, smoothly entering the lane.

The traffic flow in Song Cheng wasn't small at this hour. Li Ye skillfully maneuvered the small electric bike through the dusty traffic.

A strong gust of wind blew past, rustling the leaves on both sides. Xie Qi Zhi's bangs also flew up; he didn't care about his hair, his forehead resting on Li Ye's shoulder, coughing incessantly in the wind.

Li Ye heard him, his voice rarely carrying a hint of worry: "Are you alright?"

Xie Qi Zhi coughed for a long time before managing to squeeze out two words, "I'm fine," from his throat. He tilted his head, tears blurring his vision, and the brightly lit shops on both sides of the road turned into streaks of light flying past.

The bike's speed suddenly slowed. The four-wheeled vehicles stuck in traffic at the intersection gradually caught up, passing them one by one.

Xie Qi Zhi looked up, seeing the messy black hair peeking out from under the helmet, and his heart suddenly stirred.

If Li Ye were his older brother's younger brother, that would truly be a very, very good thing.

Much better than Qi Qi being his older brother's younger brother.